5 comments — live from bluesky
John Chmura · 1 · 2d ago Oh yeah, just the right edge I would say. The internal monologue, one can hear the tone. The way “his eyes” is put out there and then qualified with “her husband’s eyes.” It provides great seedy narrative, but also shows how distant and antagonistic the relationship already is.
mic drop!!
Editing this book is gunna be so much fun.
Filled with a lot of, "Dafuk me, why can't you have written this linearly? How am I ever gunna put this into a semblance of chronological order? Gaps, so many gaps!!"
...I'm sure it'll be fine.
Look one day those gaps might be someone’s thesis paper
Perhaps I'll put a little disclaimer hidden somewhere. "Gaps occured because I was writing this as a whole sober person that happened over ten years prior to a ... very not whole, very intoxicated version of myself... And there's fictionalized bits too yeah... fiction"
...Or just let em suffer 😝
I can't believe you wrote this as an abc! This is fabulous. I think it's good it didn't get more graphic because it leaves more to the imagination. The part about the husband's eyes really got to me, and the thoughts of the narrator rang so real.
Happened by accident actually. I got to about E before I realized I was doing it and just ran woth it from there. And thank you, appreciated.
You're welcome! Maybe that's the best way. It didn't sound forced at all.
I felt the kerosene bile, that whole sense of doing anything past a comfort zone. ABC, neat, and as Merril said, just enough detail not to graphic leaves it to the reader, a great read.